the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
