I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
