You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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