a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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