i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
