Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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