so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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