if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
