Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
