moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
