im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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