He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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