By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
