It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
