It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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