Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
