Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
