Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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