If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
