I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
