oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
