Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
