i may or may not be watching the land before time
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
