My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
