She's JV to your varsity
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
