Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
