Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
