garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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