I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
