I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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