I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
