I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
