You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's never too late to be topless.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
