Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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