this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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