So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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