id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
