Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
They are going to name an STD after you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
