dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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