**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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