I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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