I think I died a long time ago.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
