Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
