I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
