don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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