I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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