My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
