Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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