watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
