loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was born a porn star she said
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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